When "what-ifs" become reality

When we started thinking about moving to the Caribbean, one of the top reasons on our list of "why not" was aging parents. I am extremely close with both of my parents and they were about a 3 hour car ride from where I lived in Connecticut. There was peace-of-mind in being a car ride away - if there are any health scares, I can be there (and in the past few years there have been with my Dad). Now that we are in the Caribbean, if something happens to them you are a bit trapped. You can't just get up and go - flights are not as regular and requires a bit of planning to get back up there.

Well, not even one month into this

adventure, we have already experienced one of these moments, this time with my Mom (and for those of you who know her, this truly came out of left field because she is active, independent - just like the Energizer bunny). Luckily, I was back in the NYC area for work, and spent last week in the hospital with her. Unfortunately, her scenario is a chronic health problem, so, now I worry about our Energizer bunny, too.

I am now back in the Virgin Islands (my Mom wanted me to come back to my kiddos and Oliver - they do get quite ornery without me here) after being in NYC area for 2 weeks. I can confirm, being away when a loved one is sick sucks. I feel pulled in a million directions - I need to be here for my kids and husband (settling into a new place takes time and is disruptive for them), but being away from a sick parent makes you want to up and leave and be by their side, too.

I promised myself when starting this blog,

that I would be open and honest with the ups and downs of making a move like this - and provide help with any situation we come across. Aging parents and being away may be one of the toughest situations I have ever been in - and if you do consider moving, you have to calculate in what you would do. I am not sure if the next part would be helpful (if you are reading this in a similar situation..I am sorry), but here is what am I doing:

Communication about the situation:

• I spoke openly to both parents about how I feel pulled in different directions and what my plan is. They are supportive of how I am handling things.

• My husband and I have communicated about what we would do, he is my rock.

• I have told my kids what is going on (in an age appropriate way)

• At work, my team & manager are 100% in-the-know and super supportive.

Keeping in Touch

• I will book a flight back with the kids in the coming weeks to spend quality time with my parents

• I call my parents daily (I wasn't always great at this..now I am). I am trying to get them setup on video chatting, too.

• I make sure I tell my parents how I feel - so I never feel like I left anything unsaid.

Taking care of myself and family:

• Trying to be fair to myself and acknowledge I cannot be in two places at once.

• I make time to take care of myself (and give myself time to breath)

• I look for what my family calls God "winks" to trust that there is a greater force at work and all things happen for a reason.

• I take help where I can get it (I usually say no, now I say yes)

• I reach out for support - I talk to friends.

• I make space for my kids to talk - this is really hard for them, too.